Guilty

OK! Today I have a tacky story. I’m not sure the right word is "tacky" but it’s as close as I can come without a thesaurus and that just seems to be cheating.

I went to lunch with Dale and the kid yesterday and we had a great time as usual. The kid got about half his food in him and half on him or the floor. All around we had a good time. Dale was complaining most of the way about how he figured it was probably time to change the kid as he was putting of that aroma that indicates elimination of bodily waste. I wasn’t really paying attention as I had not noticed the aforementioned odor.

After lunch and errands and a shopping trip through Lowes looking (at least on my part) for nothing in particular we made it back to Dale’s house and he started unloading various and sundry items we had acquired while we were out. Once again he brought up the subject of his son’s probable diaper condition and I finally listened to him and realized that it may not have been the kid who was the source of the offending smell. I suggested to Dale that the kid might not have been the source of the offense as I had been a bit gassy all morning and as I was used to being alone most of the time I had gotten out of the habit of curbing the release of possibly noxious gasses. Upon close inspection the boy was found to be innocent of all charges and was henceforth and from then on no longer subjected to gentle deridement and sly innuendo for crimes actually committed by the stinky old man.

OH! The Guilt, The Guilt. There was a time in days past when I would not only have not spoken of such a shameful topic but would have turned bright red at someone else’s mention of such things. Not any more.

Actually it was at least a little funny in retrospect what with Dale going on and on about the poopy little boy when it was the gassy old man all the time.

I told you it was tacky!

Uncle Dave

The J. Edgar Dogg Lottery is done. After I am dead his sister Jennifer wants him to come and live with her. I appreciate the other offers but as you would probably imagine, big sister has first dibs. I won’t tell everybody about the floppy orange felt hat with the ostrich feather but you can ask Jennifer and maybe she will tell you.

Uncle Dave

Announcement!

The Party will be on Tuesday the 21st of November at The Road Kill Café Bait Shop and Tanning Salon near Gadsden, Alabama the party will be in celebration of J. Edgar Dogg’s first Birthday………

The menu will be…well it’s the Road Kill Café, we won’t know the menu until the night of the party.

It will be an extravaganza, with great entertainment and many Celebrity Guests.

White tie and tails or Horror Costumes will be the dress code of the day.

The guest of honor will be naked.

Book your rooms early the hotels and resorts are filling up fast.

Call me for further particulars.

Uncle Dave

Counting Down

I talked to the guy (Tom Rosenburger) who is working with me to get through the VA Maze today and he says that he thinks that they are about to come to a conclusion about all this. He thinks I will take that to mean that I am about to get my "Service Connected" status. I don’t. I take it to mean that they will again turn me down.

The fact is, it makes no difference anymore. My health is deteriorating at such a rate that I will be dead before anything they can do for me will effect my life in any substantial way at all.

I wasn’t looking for a symbolic victory here I was in it for the money. I had it in mind to travel a bit and see people I hadn’t seen in a while and places I had never see before. Not all over the world, just places I could drive to in the states. At this point I’m not sure I would leave the house if they dropped a million dollars on my front porch. "They Win." They outlasted me. I’m getting weaker every day and there’s really not much left to lose, and certainly nothing left to fight for.

Oh! One interesting note. Tom tried to convert me to Christianity again. He’s worried about my soul, wants to see me on the other side. I admire his chutzpah. I’m pretty sure he really believes in that stuff and I am a little sorry that my not believing bothers him so much. I just can’t give him what I do not have to give. I don’t have much left anymore of anything but I like to think I am still an honorable man. An honorable man is not a hypocrite, he does not claim to accept a concept that is so obviously flawed for fear he might be wrong. I know I may be wrong about this "God" concept but I will find out for sure soon enough. That’s one of the few things I am not worried about. I care much more about who will take care of J. Edgar Dogg than about whether or not God exists.

Anybody out there interested in taking in my Dogg? My daughter may take him, but she hasn’t said yet so I am looking for volunteers.

Well, I’ve rambled on far enough for now, I think I will go see if my body will allow me to take a nap.

Cheers,

Uncle Dave

One more time

Well, I really thought today was the day. My body woke me early with pain all over it and I couldn’t seem to find anything that would make it better. Everything felt pretty good when I went to bed last night but by 6:30 this morning I was in dire distress. Chest pain was at "8" and I had pain in both arms like somebody was beating my arms and hands with one of those wicked little meat hammers they use to make thin pieces of meat out of thick pieces of meat.

When I took inventory, everything hurt. Feet and legs ached like the devil was poking me with a cattle prod. My stomach felt like a snake fight, or something cooking in a witch’s caldron and I had a thumping headache.

It got to the point where I was thinking that if this is "IT" then do it cause I sure as Hell ain’t living long like this and death has got to be a relief. After a while I had taken all the meds I had that might ameliorate the problem and nothing was getting any better so I put the puppy back in his room and although I was sure I would not be able to sleep I went back to bed. I couldn’t stand to lay flat on the bed like I usually sleep so I curled up on my side in a ball doing my imitation of a really big medicine ball and finally fell asleep.

Whatever devil was tormenting me must have gotten tired and gone home for lunch because about 1 pm I woke up sore and cramped and feeling much better. I have no idea what caused this except I do know my heart was pounding very hard and hurting worse than it has in a very ling time.

I think if this happens again, it will probably be the last time.

Uncle Dave