The New Guy

When I was at my last command in the Navy (Miramar Naval Air Station, San Diego, California) they sent us a new guy. His name was Leonard and he had come to us from Mayport, Florida. He was about 6’-4" and weighed less than 150 Lbs. Girls liked him… A lot. I never quite understood why.

The chief brought him out to my office about 10:00 am one morning and said "We got an FNG for you, Don’t Kill him and eat him like you did the last one."

I felt his remark needed a response so after he left I said, "That chief, he’s got such a sense of humor, I don’t care what he says, we never ate that last guy."

At this, Leonard’s ears perked up and he started glancing around the room as if looking for an escape. Just then Peter Seat came up the stairs (Think..LineBacker) and blocked the only door making that escape impossible. Leonard turned to me and I saw the look of a virgin sacrifice that was not really up for the honor. I saw that he had a coffee mug in his hands and feeling the need to reassure him I pointed to the coffee pot and said "It’s not to bad today, there’s a knife by the pot cut yourself off a chunk. He goes and pours himself a cup of coffee, doctors it up to his liking comes back over by my desk and sits down at the workbench.

About this time Nancy Jean comes in crawls up in my lap and starts nibbling on my ear. She only does this because the first time she did it it totally freaked me out and now two years later she is still trying to recreate that reaction. Leonard sees this and is obviously having trouble comprehending what exactly is going on so he moves down to the far end of the workbench, turns away and starts looking intently at something on the other end of the room. Nancy asks me (in a stage whisper) "Who’s the cute new guy?"

I said "That’s Leo…from Mayport."

We had a tradition of re-naming people in the workcenter. I was Uncle Dave, Nancy was Midget, Peter Seat was Hawk Man and so on and so on.

Nancy Jean instantly saw Leo as a challenge. She climbed up on the workbench and walked down to the end where he was sitting and started nibbling on his ear. I think he jumped high enough to hit his head on the ceiling. While everybody was rolling on the floor laughing, Leo headed for the door saying he had to go to personnel to take care of paperwork.

Leo had left his coffee mug sitting on Nancy Jean’s workbench half full of coffee. This was a mistake, a big mistake. Nancy Jean repaired electronics on that workbench and she kept it cleaner than the counter of her kitchen at home. Leo was doomed.

When he came back his cup was up on the highest shelf above the workbench and when he went to get it, it had been filled so full of water that he soaked himself taking it down. He did not learn. He sat it down on the workbench and went to dry off. When he came back she had planted a dandelion in it. Still, no progress. He dumped it out and sat it in the same place and went to lunch. This time when he came back he could not at first find the mug at all. Eventually someone pointed it out to him where it sat behind a large expanded metal grill covering the air-conditioning unit at the end of the trailer. (Did I mention my office/workshop/dayroom was in a large trailer?)

The grill was held on with 60 machine screws all of which had to be removed in order to remove the grill. Someone handed Leo a small screwdriver and he went to work. When he had taken out about half the screws Nancy Jean went outside and down to the end of the trailer where the AC was. She opened the big access door and in plane sight of Leo reached in and retrieved his coffee Mug. Nancy Jean came back inside and gave Leo the lecture on how we always clean our coffee cups and hang them on our hook by the coffeepot after using them and we never leave them on Nancy Jeans workbench… EVER!

Leo took it pretty well and Nancy helped him put the screws back in the grill so all in all it wasn’t such a bad beginning for the New Guy.

Uncle Dave

Well, I put the last niece and nephew on airplanes home today. My daughter went home on Sunday and a sister and brother went home to Missouri, Saturday afternoon. It’s just J. Edgar Dogg and me now and it’s nice to be able to pad around the house in my underwear again. I think J. Edgar will miss the extra attention but I’ll try to make it up to him as best I can.

I took all three of my brother’s children out to breakfast this morning. The son who lives here and the two I shipped home hadn’t seen each other in some time. I guess the physical strain has gotten to me a little more than I realized, when I tried to get up from the table at the restaurant after breakfast I fell and was not able to get up. After wallowing around on the floor for quite a while my two strapping young nephews got on either side and lifted me to my feet. I was never so happy for help in my life, but the fact that I live alone now scares the hell out of me. That would not be a situation where J. Edgar would be of much help. Dogg slobber lends nothing positive to a fall.

I found out how to get a death certificate today. They were, like everything else associated with death very expensive. The county gets a lot to make a copy and stamp it as official.

Well so much for morbid and strange for now, I think I will go get some sleep.

Uncle Dave (Ray’s Brother)