Joy Buzzer

Well, it took him two days but J. Dogg got me with the Stun-Gun. I thought it was safely put away up in the high kitchen cabinet but apparently he has a new friend. Jason the drooling Pit Bull introduced J. Dogg to his friend Wilmer the Rat. No that’s not a nick-name, he really is a Rat. A Rat that likes to climb and retrieve things for his friends. At least when they provide him with large amounts of cheese. I partly figured this out when I found a badly nibbled chunk of Cheddar Cheese under the sink.

So I’m sitting serenely in my easy chair reading a book, when J. Edgar comes upstairs and asks me if I can help him retrieve a pool ball from one of the side pockets of the pool table. It’s one of those old fashion tables with 1 ½" slate, thick green felt like a fine putting green and deep leather nets to catch the balls when they fall into the pockets. He sometimes has trouble getting the balls out of the side pockets after a game because they have slate on three sides instead of just two and well, you know, he does have a pretty wide muzzle. Anyway, I didn’t even see it coming. He sticks his head under the table like he’s trying to push the net up with the ball in it and I reach down to get the ball and "ZAP!" I get knocked ass over teakettle by the world’s meanest "Joy-Buzzer."

Ever see a dog rolling on the floor laughing his ass off?

After I stopped shaking, I made sure Edgar was safely away from the pool table and retrieved the "Stun-Gun" from the side pocket. I then brought it back upstairs and hammered it into tiny little pieces with my ball-peen-hammer. Then before the Dogg could get back upstairs I took out the trash. When I came back in I liberally laced the chunk of cheddar under the sink with rat poison.

When J. Edgar Dogg came back upstairs to see if I was mad enough to kill him or just maim him, all I did was glare at him without saying a word. This un-nerved him quite a bit and suddenly he got really talkative. He rambled on for quite a while about forgetting I had a bad heart and he started giving me a lot more information about his nefarious friends than I really wanted to know. He ended his rant with the confession that the whole thing had been his sister, Jennifer’s idea!

Now I can’t say that he was 100% truthful, but until proven otherwise… Dat Girl, she in a heap a trouble!

Uncle Dave