J. Edgar Dogg's Great Adventure

J. Edgar Dogg is a 7 month old puppy who lives in the woods of Alabama with a pet human that he has named Uncle Dave. He likes Rap Music, TV (mostly Animal Planet,) dog food, chewing on carpet, chewing on wood, chewing on Uncle Dave (well, just gumming him really) and playing on the computer, particularly, chat rooms and e-mail.

This morning J. Dogg had a new idea for something interesting to do. He has been watching a lot of shows on TV about the wild animals of Africa. Being very smart but not as knowledgeable as he thinks he is, J. Edgar assumes Africa is nearby and he wants to go there and see it for himself.

Part of the reason for this is Lions. He has seen a lot about lions lately and he thinks he bears a more than passing resemblance to them. He is after all a Shar Pei and his ancestors back in China were known as "Lion Dogs" so J. Dogg wants to visit his roots.

It would do no good to try and explain to him how many ways he is incorrect in these assumptions as 7 months in a puppy is equal to about 13 years old in a human. As we all know 13 year old boys are not known for accepting their limitations or being told they have it all wrong. That puberty thing hits them about the same as it does human boys. He’s not going to be rational for several months unless I get him a little elective surgery… but we won’t talk about that now.

So today J. Edgar Dogg will do something totally out of character for him and when he sees the front door open he bolts for freedom. Now under the best of conditions Uncle Dave is not what you would call spry, in fact he is pretty much the opposite of "spry." This means there is little he can do when J. Edgar heads out. So he hobbles out on the porch and watches as the Dogg runs off across the grass heading for the woods.

Run, Run young dogg, run like the wind… "Bonk!"

Did I mention the J. Dog is a little nearsighted? In the house he runs into things a lot, stationary objects, moving objects, doors, walls, pretty much everything. And now he has hit a tree, well a sapling really but it was wood and hard and he has bumped his head and is whimpering like a little baby.

Uncle Dave gets his cane and the leash and goes out across the grass to the edge of the woods where in J. Edgar’s current condition even UD can corral the wayward pup. He leads him back to the house where there is a little trouble getting him inside as he is a little too wobbly to negotiate the steps by himself so Uncle Dave has to lift him up onto the porch and then climb the steps himself to get them back home. Once inside and unleashed J Dogg goes into his room and lays down on his bed to nurse his wounds, the bump on his head and the bigger wound on his ego. The grand visions of rejoining the pride pushed far back on his to-do list for the time being.

In a while he comes back out into the living room and starts playing with his rubber ball and when the front door is opened he hides behind the easy chair until it is once again safely closed.

J. Edgar Dogg (As told to [and witnessed by] Uncle Dave)