Really Crappy Day

To me the concept of a BLOG is to write about what is happening to you, and about what you remember, and about that to which you aspire. This time you get an amplified list of the rocks that hit me in the head today.

I woke up feeling like "hammered crap" because of the delayed effects of my chemo drugs (Take em on Sunday they take your legs out from under you on Wednesday or Thursday…)

I went to my appointment at the Vets Service Office in town and found my rep would be on vacation until the 30th.

I went to lunch and had a great burrito that I couldn’t enjoy due to the nausea from item one above. I liked the burrito enough I thought my little brother Ray would probably like one to so I got one to go and took it over to his place for his lunch. I don’t pop in on him much so this was a little out of character for me.

When I got to the shop where he lives there were two fire trucks out front with lights whirling away. When I got to the back where my brothers room is, there he was laying on his back on the floor with six paramedics gathered around him trying to get his heart to beat. They were not successful.

My little brother, whom I had fought with and for for over fifty years, had had a massive MI and was dead. I followed him to the hospital and waited for an hour while they tried to resurrect him but when I talked with his doctor, he told me Ray was probably dead shortly after he hit the floor.

Everything after that has been in a kind of blue haze. Telling a lot of people who I love and that loved him that Raymond is gone. Dealing with the details of bureaucracy involved with a death in a society that doesn’t want to think about it. Signing a host of forms and answering a host of questions necessary to authorize organ donation. They asked if they could have all organs or if there were any he didn’t want donated. All I though of was to suggested they might not want to transplant the heart.

After the shock had worn off a little I decided we had just "Parted Ray Out" You know, like when your old Chevy throws a rod and rather than try to fix it you just sell all the parts until there is nothing left but the shell. They told me Ray’s parts would help at least 50 people. I think he’d be proud, I know I’m proud of him. Tomorrow I have to deal with cremating the shell. A few weeks ago we had a discussion where he told me where he wanted his ashes scattered. I will see that it is done per his wish. The boy really didn’t ask for much.

Raymond James Cramer June 7, 1952 to May 18, 2006

I’ve run out of steam and shall end this now with the thought that He was the one who was supposed to take care of me when I die.

Uncle Dave